aine (aine) wrote,

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where do we go from here the words are coming out all weird where are you now when i need you most?

i hate sitting around the house when i'm sick. i always just end up turning on the telly and hating life. everything on t.v. is so fake - so why is it when i hear stupid sappy songs or watch crap music videos, they always make me think of rob?

i can swear up and down until im blue in the face that i'm over him, but how does one really ever get over someone who stole your heart? and why do i feel like doogie howser right now?

i think part of the reason crap music videos make me think of rob is because i know how against he is of crap commercialized music - because of the generalization of feelings and emotions that music is supposed to bring out of oneself. "the lowest common denominator" as he liked to call it. i understand how he felt, and certainly i knew that everything he listened to was more thoughtful and more introspective than what i listened to, but even if a crap song makes you feel a certain way, that doesnt make the feeling in you any less real than a well thought out, politically or socially or musically significant song does.

and so even though i havent talked to rob in like three months, and i know hes a shit head and even though i've been thinking about Matt loads, i still cant get rob out of my head....

what if i never do? am i doomed to misery?
i often wonder if he thinks about me, or what he does think about when he thinks about me.... i probably dont want to know. or he could just spend all his time thinking about kelly.

rob fits this mold, i dont want it to sound superficial, but it def has some thing to do a certain look, that dirty bad boy image - not that hot intelligent sweet well dressed guys like matt dont pique my interest, but those dirty boys are definetely my "type" .. but rob had something more than that that i could never put my finger on.

or maybe i was just fooling myself, maybe i was in love with being obsessed. (i suppose if you know me at all you know that is a definete possibility....)

oh i dont know, its just my strep throat/fever/drugs/t.v. induced delirium talking...
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